Wednesday: aftermath

Yesterday was bittersweet.

The elation of the historic election of an African-American man to the United States Presidency was grimly overshadowed by the Proposition 8 standoff here in California.

While Barack Obama won in an electoral landslide, shattering racial ceilings and inspiring genuine hope, in California, an amendment beginning with the words "eliminates the right" got a stranglehold on the freedoms of a community I identify with.

I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, and I feel scared.

But in the face of adversity, we must rise, with dignity and with grace and with determination.

My friend Narinda - who organized the No On Hate ride last weekend - put it far more eloquently:

Tears welled up in my eyes as I biked home this morning, but I held them back. I said to myself the things that I said to people last night in phone conversations and via text message: Whatever happens, we will be strong, we will keep fighting, change is happening and it will keep happening. We won't stop. Whatever happens, we will not stop. I held those words fiercely and shared them freely last night.

At this particular moment, however, I am thinking to myself We lost-- how could we lose? How can this be real? And I think of the Mayor of San Diego who gave a speech about how he had planned on veto-ing the city council's resolution against Prop 8, and how when the resolution lay before him, when he had to face the statement he would make if he vetoed it and stood in support of Prop 8, he could not. He could not bring himself to say to a whole group of people in the community that they were less, that they were undeserving. His voice was nakedly emotional as he said to his constituency that he knew not all would agree with him, but that he had to follow his heart.

And I wonder, what was in the hearts of the 52.1% of California who voted in favor of a proposition that contains the words "Eliminates the right"? How can they use a document that is supposed to grant and protect rights in such a twisted, unfair, malicious manner?

And I wonder, how they will face us? How they will face all of us who are hurt beyond measure, those of us whom they have decided are less than they, those of us from whom they have taken away so much.

And I wonder, how dare they. How dare they do this to their friends, relatives, children. How dare they do this to their community. How dare they insert their hate into the law.

And, helplessly, I wonder what else I could have done. What else I should have done. The sense of failure is deep and piercing.

When I sat down in front of my computer, I braced myself for the reactions I knew I would find. I prepared myself to give more words of strength and comfort.

But I broke, tears and sobs welling up from the intense disappointment and pain that so many of us share. I know: We will be strong, we will keep fighting, change is happening and it will keep happening. We won't stop. Whatever happens, we will not stop.

It is an historic day: a man of color stands as our president-elect.
It is an historic day: all of us who stand for equality have been called to action.

Yes, I feel weak and wounded in this particular moment.

No, I do not feel defeated. We are not defeated.

My beautiful friends & lovers, I invite you to a rally here in West Hollywood tonight, to comfort and encourage each other.

The details are as follows:

Supporters of Equality For All and Members of the No on Proposition 8 Community to Gather in West Hollywood Tonight at 7 p.m.

Supporters of Equality For All and members of the No on Proposition 8 community will gather at the intersection of Santa Monica Boulevard and San Vicente Boulevard in West Hollywood at 7 p.m. this evening. The City will close San Vicente Boulevard between Melrose Avenue and Santa Monica Boulevard from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. to accommodate the gathering.

Since its incorporation in 1984, the City of West Hollywood has been one of the most ardent advocates for the legal rights of same-sex couples and the right to marry. It was one of the first cities in the country to pass a resolution in support of same-sex marriage. The City, along with a number of other cities in California, filed an amicus brief in the case in support of same-sex marriage rights. The City of West Hollywood is known throughout the world for its pioneering efforts on behalf of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) rights and established one of the first domestic partnership laws in the country in 1985.

Last night I stood at the entrance of my apartment here in West Hollywood, listening to the sudden gusts ripping through the trees. The air was electric with the coming transition of autumn, and I could feel the energy in my skin.

I ended up living here by absolute chance. However, I had dictated the position of the pieces - whether I had been aware of it or not - that would collide this way on the board.

I have always identified with the wind as my kindred element. My mother used to tell me that I was born on a particularly windy day in January. As a child, the wind would howl eerily in the fireplace, and when I was scared, my mom told me that the wind is my friend. And so I've always regarded it with some reverence.

Last night, I felt a stirring within me, whipped up by the wind. In a hurricane of change, I was cast out here. And maybe there was a reason for it I could not initially grasp, but that I will soon begin to understand.