I thought I was okay, but grieving can sometimes take a lifetime. What's it going to be like when I really lose someone? I can't imagine. This hurts enough as it is.
Even if I am a little weak right now, I will be strong again soon. I have to let this thing run through me. I was filled with it, it took my insides, and now I feel it leaving with every breath full of tears that I take. I just need to remember to breathe.
There, okay.
Better now.
I wouldn't want to trample a beautiful weekend.
On Saturday a friend and I rode out to Venice Beach. It was a ride I'd wanted to take for some time, and I finally took it. We got tangled up in Culver City's eerie slice of suburbia only to find the gates to the bike path locked from the storm before. After attempting legal access, we finally decided to hop the fence, hauling the bikes over. Physical exertion is a high.
In the end, however, the bike path helped little, though the billowing clouds overhead and the overall adventure filled me with a sunshine syrup euphoria. I was pleased to be outside, though the weather loomed treacherous overhead. The more I ride, the more secure and confident I feel on my bike. And though it is not the best bike, I will learn to ride it the best that I can.
My bike has only betrayed me when I've panicked and lost my faith.
Venice was lovely, though lovely was difficult to achieve in the wind. We ate at one of my favorite spots on the boardwalk. The ghosts didn't even try to haunt me, though I could hear them shuffling all around.
As we turned home, dark clouds boiled up above, looming on our horizon. But the most we experienced was some small spattering of rain. To be honest, I felt so flushed with life that I think I could have managed the storm.
I got home just in time for a quick costume change and then ran out the door to catch ThreadSpinner at Molly Malone's on Fairfax. They were absolutely delightful. The band's singer and keyboardist, Sarah, had reached out to me, promising "something magical," and they delivered. I was even treated to a mesmerizing rendition of Nirvana's "Heart Shaped Box."
Came home, performed yet another costume change, and scurried out the door to catch Trouble & Bass. After twenty miles plus on my bike and a steady stream of booze all day, I managed to find the energy within myself to drink some more and bust some moves.
I even managed to look pretty good, all things considered!
On Sunday I did not sleep as long as I would have liked to. So I rode over to Swingers for breakfast, running into a girl I met on Critical Mass. It's a small beautiful world after all!
The outfit makes the ride.
And do you know what makes the outfit? That hat. Which I found on the ground on Melrose at five in the morning. Someone must have just lost it outside of the Starbucks, because it's in pristine condition. And I mean hey, free hat!
(Hey dad, don't tell mom about that!)
I came home and finally did my laundry and finally picked my place up.
Then I was out the door again to Pasadena to catch the premiere of Not The Government's video for "Midnight" in which I have a tiny role.
I had a difficult time paying attention through most of the short films, but as soon as the Mostly Bears music video for "People's Distinctive Travels" came on, I was rapt. (Hint: It's stop motion animation, which means I was instantly sold!)
I must see this band. Even if that means taking a trip out to Arizona, where they are based.
Watch this. It will change your life - as the kids say.
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1 comment:
I won't tell. Yo no digo nada.
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